~ an anguish in the Spirit ~

"But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's delicacies..."
~ Daniel 1:8 ~

This verse just spoke to me today when Pastor Joakim and Pastor How shared about how we shouldn't defile ourselves, and should just live a life that is consecrated to the Lord. It really was a revelation to me cause I could here God saying that though many of us proclaim to be Christians, we let the world and everything that is in it tempt us. Leading us to be defiled or commit sins.

What are things that can tempt us? Basically, most of the things that can tempt us are things that are 'good' or 'attractive' to us. Honestly, the world is as such, where there are just so many beautiful things and great things out there, yet often, when we get to absorbed in them, we no longer put God first in our lives.

Things such as relationships aren't bad, in fact, relationships i.e. BGR are fantastic to have. God created love and we ARE meant to share it with others, loving another is one way that God expresses and extends His love. However, why is it that relationships can be seen as something that we don't want in our lives is cause many of us are not mature, not of the ripe age or spiritually strong enough to be in a relationship, loving others and yet, having God as our number one spot in our lives. We are unable to balance our lives, and in the end, most Christians that do have relationships, end up compromising their spiritual lives and place Him as number two in comparison to their relationship.

"We are in the world, but not of the world"

This is a quote that I love, one that speaks directly to my soul when it tries to rise up against my spirit.

"Others can, I cannot"

That is the quote that I use to reply when the soul says, "it's alright! Why don't you just try to take a sip of this; take a taste or sample of that; after all, you're not really committing a sin!"

It's never hard to compromise, but to be able to start against it, is something entirely different. At times, we've to bash ourselves up just so that we can stand firm.

In fact, I recall how it was so easy to see so many of friends get into a relationship, and it made me feel that I should go into one as well. It wasn't hard. I already had someone that had feelings for me and I did have good feelings for her. We hit it off and certainly it felt like maybe I should have the relationship. Yet, it never felt good in the spirit, times when I compromised my time with God just to talk to her on the phone or go out with her. At times, reasoning with myself to go out with her when I could have used the time to be in church and have fellowship with God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I knew that it just wasn't right and I certainly wasn't ready to have a relationship when I was compromising God's position in my life. "Others can, I cannot".

It took a while, but I finally managed to pray, to ask God to help me break out of this chain, to say, "God, You are the One that I want in my life, and I want You to fill that need." It was then, when I managed to say it and with Yong Hui, praying along with me, I felt an unspeakable peace, a love that surpassed anything that I have ever felt in my entire life just fill me.

I knew then, God was real and that I would never let anything defile that love that He has for me. This is why, I now hold this verse close to my heart.

This verse reminded me of an incident just this month. I was in my room, in my condominium, and I heard lots of voices in the middle of the night at 3am. I had just finished Quiet Time and was looking at the garden when I heard the voices. Locating the source of the noice, I saw then a group of 3 girls and a guy, they were intoxicated. 2 of them were so drunk that they vommited in the car before stumbling out of the taxi. They then 'danced' their way to the slides of the play ground, threw their shoes all over the place and just lay on the slides and the ground, in obscure positions. After that, they left their belongings and just swayed their way around to goodness knows where as the other girl and guy helped to collect their stuff and guide them home.

When I saw that, I was so angry. Till this day, I feel an anguish, cause I just feel that their lives and time could be used to do so much more. It could be used to change lives, to touch lives, to love others, to just really love God. My heart just broke and I felt so angry that so many people are in the world and just letting it influence them. It's so wrecking to the heart especially when I see Christians letting the world defile them. Like when I was in army and I saw so many of my Christian friends lose their fire for God, when I see them start swaying and changing due to the culture of the army; filled with vulgarities and indecency. It wrecked my heart when I saw good Christians of great hearts get cynical and losing their faith in the Lord. Why? Cause of others round them; when the "king's delicacies" tempt them and just slowly fill their hearts.

It angers me and I pray that God will move in such a way, that there will be a difference. Heart of God church, and all its members, especially Zone G will lead an alternate lifestyle. We will live in the world but we will NOT be of the world, but rather, we will let God, and with is, even when we're presented with "king's delicacies", we will not let it defile ourselves.

I believe...