~ With All I Am ~

Just got back from KL! Had an awesome trip with Pastor How, Garrett, Jamie, Jian Ming, Yong Hui, Koon Yew, and but of course, Wei Ling!

It was a great trip, where we had so many adventures, from running all the way from a place called sunggeiwang to Pastor's hotel, to all the fantastic food that Pastor Kevin Loo just kept pushing and introducing to us. We had a blast, and what's the testimony of that?

Our stomachs!

However, recently, there has been some questions that I want to put forth to everybody out there, and challenge them to try think of the answers.

I was just thinking just how much is it that one can always say that they have convictions, but when they meet up with problems, they so easily let go. What are your convictions then?

If we consider how just a little bit of school, a little bit of tests and examinations, friends, music can pull us away, then... do we really have convictions?

I've been tired and in the last 2 days, I've been seeing how people are just starting to waiver and start to lose their dreams in God; worship leader, people leader, worship team drummer, worship team guitarist, back-up vocalist.

How do you lose your dreams in God? In reality, you lose them because you didn't have convictions in the start.

It was so amazing cause I was just thinking about all of these people, and a burden in my heart came so fresh, I just couldn't let go of that burden in my heart, and felt so down-trodden; then God asked me, what were my convictions?

I couldn't help it but the presence of God came and I knew that I had to do my Quiet Time.

The song I chose was this song...

With All I Am (by Hillsong - Australia)

Into Your hand

I commit again

With all I am

For You Lord

You hold my world

In the palm of Your hand

And I'm Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

I'll walk with You

Wherever You go

Through tears and joy

I'll trust in You

And I will live

In all of Your ways and

Your promises forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

I will worship

I will worship You

I will worship

I will worship You forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live

The reason that I sing

With all I am

That is the declaration of my heart; that no matter what happens, that no matter what I have to go through, my convictions will NEVER sway.

God is my reason that I live.

With all I am, I will live for Him alone.

Think Moses, think Joshua...

Think... Jesus

To God a heart of flame

To others a heart of love

To self a heart of steel

It's a day for reflection and thoughts, where the Sunday comes to a halt in the absence of that 1 integral part of my week; week in, week out... service. Since doing ushering on the 1st day of Festival of Praise, I've not had service the next 2 days.

The word to describe it all... unreal

Like for example, today, we had CG... Wait!

Come to think of it, let me blog about CG!

It was a satisfying.

Why?

Simply because from the worship, to the Word, sharing, to the discussions, and culminating to the prayer, God's presence just really came.

In this time, I've realised that I've come quite a long way from the time since I 1st stepped into Heart of God Church.

In the last 1 month alone, I've learnt much, especially when it comes to people.

The fragile-ness and insecurities of a heart, and a person's character. Things can be broken and images torn down in those split seconds. The open-ness of a heart is laid bare when certain areas are broken through and spoken into.

It started to just remind me that God is in control and He gives us choices. Choices in which, though we may feel so laid bare, so down & out, so depressed, confused and discourage, yet He is always there.

The question is, 'do you know and acknowledge He is there?'

Deuteronomy 1:21

"Look, the LORD your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the LORD God of your fathers has spoken to you; do not fear or be discouraged."

Thus when we feel fear or discouraged, let us remember that the LORD has 'set the land' before us. We just have to go up and possess it. It doesn't just refer to physical lands, but that of the mind, body, soul, the spiritual proclamation of the heart and Spirit.

I'm just going to leave this as it it, cause it's where it resounds...

As Mark 4:9

"And He said to them,'He who has ears to hear, let him hear!' "

~ Faith ~

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"
~ Hebrews 11:1 ~

To me, this verse, though it was a verse like to remember in last year's VBS. It was a really powerful thing to me because as I was doing my Quiet Time (QT) just now, God placed this verse back into my heart again!

In the recent weeks, I've not been really very faith filled in certain areas of my life, and I think like when Fifi shared with us about faith during the leaders meeting last night (like until 115am in the middle of the night), it really impacted me!

It set me thinking and made me realise just how much I had to be living in faith, and living with faith. Normally, many people will live by the agenda of 'success breeds faith', but like what was shared yesterday, I truly believe in the other way round, 'faith breeds success'!

I sat there thinking back to the day I was 1st told to lead Effects Ministry, and then, a revelation hit me. In those times, I really didn't know anything, didn't know what to expect, didn't know just what I had to do, but I know I had just 1 thing... FAITH!

Faith to trust in the Lord.
Faith to lead the ministry.
Faith that the Lord will lead me to lead the ministry.

This is when I started to see Effects grow and mature, as talents grew and more people became more planted and committed in the ministry. It gave me the strength and the wisdom to lead, that simple faith and trust in God.

Only then did I realise just how much I really missed spending that time with God and to just cast all my inner and deeper burdens unto Him. Hence, as I was planning and doing a number of things just now, when there was just a burden to go into His presence and pray, I took that step of faith and did it.

I didn't care whether or not it would mean sacrificing sleep and working late. I didn't care whether it mean being physically spent. To me, all that mattered was that simple believe and faith that the only reason why I was called and burdened to do so, was that God wanted to do something.

I am glad that I did it.

During my QT, after being planted that Word, I realised just how powerful that 1 verse was in my life. It literally translate the essence of faith, to just believe and trust that things will happen, where at the end of it, it will become an evidence of things that would come.

As I dwelled in God's presence, He led me in prayer and I suddenly felt the burden to pray for certain things in my life and for certain people that I never really did count as priority people. In the end, the burden grew so strong, the presence came so strongly, I could do nothing but pray as the Lord leads and as I wept in His presence.

Towards the end, I could feel an tingling and electrifying experience flowing from my fingers and hands, to the rest of my body. It was as though God was just saying, 'have faith, I will lead you as you have faith that I will!'

I will live as that, and commit my life, into that simple essence of relationship with God...

FAITH

~ Rain... Raining down on me ~

What' s the purpose of my title?

Looking at the church events for the year, there's Red Rain Concert this coming 24th-25th May, 2008!

This is an event that brings in the alternative life of Christian music!

1st look into the concert, check out this website http://www.redrain.sg

After you look through, I'm sure that you'll want to come, so take the opportunity to enjoy and view a mindblowing, Christian music experience!

~ Water Baptism ~

"Whether that means life or death, no matter!"
~ Philippians 1:21 (My Utmost for His Highest) ~

This is my life verse, and it is what I live by, declaring it to everyone as I got baptised today.
Today, was one of the biggest days of my life, besides the day that I recommited my life to God.
It was the day that I got my Water Baptism.

Since I came to Heart of God Church, I've always dreamt and wanted to get myself water baptised, after being baptised in the Holy Spirit. Today, this finally came through, and I am at a lost of words, for words can never expressed the feelings and range of emotions that I've gotten today.

Today, as I stepped into the pool, awaiting my baptism, I felt God's presence, and it reassured me of my decision to take this step of faith, this step of declaration and to surrender all that I was to Him.

I will always remember the point when Pastors placed their hands upon me, and declared, 'Colin, I baptise you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit!', and I was placed into the pool of water and out in less than 1 minute.

Yet, in that short few seconds that I was in the water, I felt God's presence. It was a presence, that really allowed me to feel totally clean, and a joy filled my heart & spirit. I then heard a Voice, that simply said, 'It is done!'

I came out, feeling very light, and more joyous then I ever had been! Feeling a love that I knew could only come from God for it made me tear and just praise Him in my spirit.

God is an awesome God!

~ Serving and Believing ~

"Feed My sheep"
~ John 21: 17 ~

A simple 3 words that mean so much, in so many ways. Yet, it provokes the mind, provokes the heart, provokes the spirit.

When the Lord asks us to feed His sheep, it's easy to say that we understand and that we will do it. It's easy to answer, 'Yes Lord, I will do it!'

But, do we really understand what does it fully entail and live it out?

Many times, while we serve and when we love, we say it's impossible and tiring, cause of different and special characters. Characters that we are not used to, characters that we are uncomfortable with, and characters that sometimes are in conflict with who we are.

However, when the calling comes and the commission has been laid, it is a simple rule... to LOVE.

Love not from our own capacity, but drawing it from our Father, and love only like the Father can. It something so simple yet so hard, yet we've to understand this and tap onto it. It's not easy, but it's the ONLY way.

Love is from God, so who else better to learn from but Him. He Who loves us more then we ever deserved.

The question now is, do you believe that you can do it? Do you believe that we can trust the Lord, and love & serve like He wants us to do, and like Him?

"Sir, Thou hast nothing to draw with"
~ John 4:11 ~

How much faith do we have in our Father?

When we say that we cannot accomplish something, we're actually not trusting in the Lord. It's as though we are saying that God can't do the things that we want to do.

It's as though we question His almighty power and we belittle Him who guides us, directs us and empowers us.

'where's thy faith'
That's the question one has to ask.

"Lift up your eyes on high, and behold Who hath created these things."
~ Isaiah 40:26 ~

Our imagination and faith should never be limited. What we should do however, is to expand our vision and plant our faith.

We can only do this when we sit back and raise our eyes, dreams and visions up to God, and know that He is God.

Only then, can we truly grow and endure all in Him.
Only then, can we truly believe and live.
Only then, can we truly...

Live, Learn, Lead

Only then, can we truly...

LOVE

~ Unconditional & Scarificial Love ~

I just wanted to share this 1 thing that really impacted me and spoke into my heart.

There was this 1 day, when I was taking the train, I saw a sight that reminded me of God's unconditional love.

There was a couple in their 60/70's. The man was in a wheel chair, the lady was old, frail and walking with a bit of difficulty. As the lady pushed the man in and I offered her a seat, but she waved me away and declined. It was then that she turned aside and decided instead, to fully care for her husband. She slowly and carefully put on a sweater for her husband and wiped off his sweat, offered a drink and took care of his every need without a single complain. Yet, from her expressions, you could see that she was tired, panting and had an expression that revealed that she was fatigue.

Yet through it all, she took care of his every need and refused to seat. She made sure that he was comfortable, had a drink and was happy with how he was. Even as she was going to fall, she didn't care, she just wanted to make sure that he was alright. Every few seconds, she would just take a look to see if he was okay, and that he was comfortable.

It was just a short 15 minutes. yet, it really wrecked my heart and made me think of all the instances when I hear of couples beaking up cause of a disability of either, and thought back of the times when youths just totally disregards senior citizens, pretending like they were non-existent.

How could so many people claim to love when they're not even willing to sacrifice? When their love is bordered on conditions of health and stability?

It was then, that God really spoke to me and impressed upon my heart.
about the fullness and totallity of His great love.

In reality, with sin, we are really like an old man or old women, crippled, sitting on a wheel chair and with so many needs. Yet He never gave up on us, even when satan came and caused Him to die on the cross. It was like the mrt jerk, trying to stumble and create an obstacle. As though, it would discourage Him from caring for us and just loving us.

Yet... it just couldn't stop His love. He did all that; suffer ridicule, go through betrayal, be tortured, crucified and die on that very cross. All this, just cause He loves us, and wants us to be well & live a life that would be for Him.

Washing our sins and bringing us to a stage where we are just 'comfortable' per se, but when we believe, we in turn should and can be like the old lady, even with discomforts, but in turn care and love others.

This is God's love...

An unconditional, sacrificial and overwhelming love...

~ a thought on a person's prayer life ~

A Person's prayer life is like running.

When you run, day in, day out, and keep running, you'll be able to run faster and for a longer distance. Likewiese, when you keep praying, you grow stronger and am able to pray longer.

If you set your heart on running, you'll be able to accomplish beyond what you originally though you could. When you set your heart on praying, letting go of all else that distracts and let God speak to you, you'll be brought to another level. In spirit and relationship with the Father, just keep seeking Him, and it'll be brought higher.

When you slacken and decide to take a break, you realise that you can't run like you used to be able to, easily weary and want to give up. It's the same when you pray. However, when you pull yourself together and press in, there will be a breakthrough and you will grow.

It's amazing isn't it?

God reveals so much in our everyday lives, that a simple thing like running can have so much to do with our spiritual life. I believe that if we keep praying and pressing on, running consistently in our spiritual life, we will grow and grow.

Setting our lives in Him will just carry us beyond our original capacity and beyond our originally thought potential.

~ You have my heart ~

'I find my hope in You, my Lord.
I find my hope.
All of my strength is find in You,
You are my strength.

Lord, take my cares,
Bring me closer to You.
Lord, take my cares,
Bring me closer to You.

I reach out my hands
And worship You, Jesus.
Let Your Spirit fall
And make me new,
More like You.
You have my heart,
Jesus Christ, I give You my life.

You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus.

You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus.'

This song, is called 'You have my heart' and it's by Christian City Church Youth.

Today, this whole day I was listening to Sing About You and somehow when Valerie Cheong asked me about this song, something in my spirit clicked. So next thing I knew, I was listening to the song and God's presence came down so strongly, I just couldn't help but cry.Why cry? Cause His peace and joy was so overwhelming and it just touched my heart, touched my Spirit. The Lord's love is awesome.

'You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus'

This few words, phrases just shouts out in my life right now.In life, many feel that certain things like status, money, relationships, careers, are all needs. Hence, they so passionately and vehemently seek it out, spending countless hours dreaming about how to achieve such things.

Why? Why is it that so many people think and give their lives, slaving over every minute of their lives working just to achieve these things of the temporal? It is something that's so painful to see, something that totally wrecks my heart.

I've seen friends and family members that seem so 'enlightened', it's as if they know just what is it that they want in their lives. Yet, when you ask them, what are their dreams, what are the things that they seek for, they can't give a proper answer. They tell me things like money, status (power), career, relationships (BGR), without exactly thinking that these things actually don't matter to them. So when I ask, 'so what happens if you got all these things?' They are dumbfounded, not knowing and not withstanding, unable to come up with answers. They have lost sight, not knowing that it's because, these are things that they do not really need.

I do understand that people require money per se to 'survive' in this world. Yet, the truth is that there are people who place such things in such high statuses in their lives that they lose sight of what is really a need, what is really important. They worry about all these things day and night, and seek it, slaving over their work to achieve all these things.

"25There I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
26Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
27Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28So why do you worry about clothing? Considering the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;
29and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the over, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For all your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
34Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about tis own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

~ Matthew 6: 25 - 34 ~

I think this verse really speaks out to in accordance to the song. Let it be that we seek first God's Kingdom and all these things that we 'need', 'seek' and 'dream' shall be added unto us. This is something that I firmly believe in, that really, why do we seek and dream of all the things of the world, when what the Father sees is important to us will be provided.

In this scripture, it says that even the 'Gentiles' seek all these things in the world and even so, the Father provides it to them. Birds do not need to worry about food yet they are fed. Plants are clothed without doing anything for the Lord provides.

What than of humans?

We are God's people, where we are made in His image. He gave His one and only Son to die for us, such that we may yet again come into His presence and live for Him without having the need to bear the burden of all our sins.

That is why I live with this song. Where truly all my needs, all that I seek and all my dreams are in Jesus.

In the song, there's a part that goes like this...

'On this altar I'll stand,
With my hands lifted high.
I want to draw close to You,
Your joy in my life.

And I join with all the angels,
Singing songs of praise.
I feel Your love surround me,
You wash my fears away.

How I will love to,
How I love to sing about You.
Your love shines down.

How I will love to,
How I love to sing about You.
Your peace falls down.'

This is my heart, and that's where I place it... in the Lord.

When we surrender our lives on the altar and just let go, and let God. His love will surround us and all our fears will be washed away. What we have once went around as a 'need', or 'seek' and 'dream' about will be dealt with as we are filled with the Lord's love and peace that shines down
and falls on our lives.

That's why, I can sing...

'You have my heart...'

~ an anguish in the Spirit ~

"But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's delicacies..."
~ Daniel 1:8 ~

This verse just spoke to me today when Pastor Joakim and Pastor How shared about how we shouldn't defile ourselves, and should just live a life that is consecrated to the Lord. It really was a revelation to me cause I could here God saying that though many of us proclaim to be Christians, we let the world and everything that is in it tempt us. Leading us to be defiled or commit sins.

What are things that can tempt us? Basically, most of the things that can tempt us are things that are 'good' or 'attractive' to us. Honestly, the world is as such, where there are just so many beautiful things and great things out there, yet often, when we get to absorbed in them, we no longer put God first in our lives.

Things such as relationships aren't bad, in fact, relationships i.e. BGR are fantastic to have. God created love and we ARE meant to share it with others, loving another is one way that God expresses and extends His love. However, why is it that relationships can be seen as something that we don't want in our lives is cause many of us are not mature, not of the ripe age or spiritually strong enough to be in a relationship, loving others and yet, having God as our number one spot in our lives. We are unable to balance our lives, and in the end, most Christians that do have relationships, end up compromising their spiritual lives and place Him as number two in comparison to their relationship.

"We are in the world, but not of the world"

This is a quote that I love, one that speaks directly to my soul when it tries to rise up against my spirit.

"Others can, I cannot"

That is the quote that I use to reply when the soul says, "it's alright! Why don't you just try to take a sip of this; take a taste or sample of that; after all, you're not really committing a sin!"

It's never hard to compromise, but to be able to start against it, is something entirely different. At times, we've to bash ourselves up just so that we can stand firm.

In fact, I recall how it was so easy to see so many of friends get into a relationship, and it made me feel that I should go into one as well. It wasn't hard. I already had someone that had feelings for me and I did have good feelings for her. We hit it off and certainly it felt like maybe I should have the relationship. Yet, it never felt good in the spirit, times when I compromised my time with God just to talk to her on the phone or go out with her. At times, reasoning with myself to go out with her when I could have used the time to be in church and have fellowship with God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I knew that it just wasn't right and I certainly wasn't ready to have a relationship when I was compromising God's position in my life. "Others can, I cannot".

It took a while, but I finally managed to pray, to ask God to help me break out of this chain, to say, "God, You are the One that I want in my life, and I want You to fill that need." It was then, when I managed to say it and with Yong Hui, praying along with me, I felt an unspeakable peace, a love that surpassed anything that I have ever felt in my entire life just fill me.

I knew then, God was real and that I would never let anything defile that love that He has for me. This is why, I now hold this verse close to my heart.

This verse reminded me of an incident just this month. I was in my room, in my condominium, and I heard lots of voices in the middle of the night at 3am. I had just finished Quiet Time and was looking at the garden when I heard the voices. Locating the source of the noice, I saw then a group of 3 girls and a guy, they were intoxicated. 2 of them were so drunk that they vommited in the car before stumbling out of the taxi. They then 'danced' their way to the slides of the play ground, threw their shoes all over the place and just lay on the slides and the ground, in obscure positions. After that, they left their belongings and just swayed their way around to goodness knows where as the other girl and guy helped to collect their stuff and guide them home.

When I saw that, I was so angry. Till this day, I feel an anguish, cause I just feel that their lives and time could be used to do so much more. It could be used to change lives, to touch lives, to love others, to just really love God. My heart just broke and I felt so angry that so many people are in the world and just letting it influence them. It's so wrecking to the heart especially when I see Christians letting the world defile them. Like when I was in army and I saw so many of my Christian friends lose their fire for God, when I see them start swaying and changing due to the culture of the army; filled with vulgarities and indecency. It wrecked my heart when I saw good Christians of great hearts get cynical and losing their faith in the Lord. Why? Cause of others round them; when the "king's delicacies" tempt them and just slowly fill their hearts.

It angers me and I pray that God will move in such a way, that there will be a difference. Heart of God church, and all its members, especially Zone G will lead an alternate lifestyle. We will live in the world but we will NOT be of the world, but rather, we will let God, and with is, even when we're presented with "king's delicacies", we will not let it defile ourselves.

I believe...

~ Alternative Life ~

It's the New Year!

A new beginning!

A beginning of a life that is an alternative!

A life that would not be for myself, but for others!

'It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me'
~ Galatians 2:20 ~

This is a verse that will be how I want to live through it all. Not my will, but Yours be done. Its challenge to live an alternative life, yet I know that it's God's will for us. To truly rise up and live a life that would be a living testimony to others. To show them that though we're cool, successful, have everything in the world, but we will be wiling to give up everything just to live a life for God and His purpose.

What do we mean when we talk about living for His purpose? I do not mean starting a revolution that goes against everybody else and being someone that's religious fanatically. I mean living with relevance to the world, and excelling in the world, yet willing to serve in ministry in church, on fire and just willing to put down everything, all for more of God's will and presence!

It also means a simple word, 'Others'. It's a life for others, not for self. An others centered life that means risking ridicule and suffering to extend God's love to others. Not being ignorant of others or of things that are going around us, but rather to live to love, to be 'the salt and light of the world' and be a living testimony. Loving others, not self.

I don't believe that we can't live a life that is for others. 'The beginnings of leadership', the vision for us this year. It's a Word from God and it's one that applies not just to the entire church, but rather, to each and every individual one of our lives.

For myself, I've to really expand in my capacity and grow, grow a whole new level such that I'll be able to take on more responsibilities and not let things drag me down. It's a whole new year with new challenges, I welcome them cause I know that God presents them to me so that I can grow. I'm going to rise up, and be a leader in His right and purpose for me!

"Whether that means life or death, no matter!"
~ Philippians 1:21 ~

I think this particular scripture echoes my heart right now, and it's something that I will hold close to my heart. Truly in my heart right now, I am convicted. Convicted such that no matter what, I want to live for God's purpose and His will. Death means nothing to me, for I am already dead.

It sounds a bit morbid doesn't it? Well, it isn't cause in my life, I don't live for myself anymore, I live for Jesus! I am dead to myself, Jesus lives in me and that's what I hope to live for and want to do through my life. That is the Word for me, to live for Him and let Him work in me and through me for His purpose.

This is a powerful wallpaper that I believe in. When we say we want to live an alternative life, we're talking about an identity that is set apart. We are there to live a life that is to save and empower lives of others, where we live for OTHERS.

This is not as hard as it is, the only war that we truly fight is really within us, where we struggle with our souls. Our souls are the one thing that we face constantly and it's the thing that causes us to stumble when we run with such a vision. The thing that makes us question the vision and purpose that God has set for us, is our soul and our mind is part of that soul. I believe that the soul is where we can win the most, but only when we can trust the Lord with all our hearts and let Him work in us and help us win that battle against our souls.

An alternative life... Let go, let God!