~ You have my heart ~

'I find my hope in You, my Lord.
I find my hope.
All of my strength is find in You,
You are my strength.

Lord, take my cares,
Bring me closer to You.
Lord, take my cares,
Bring me closer to You.

I reach out my hands
And worship You, Jesus.
Let Your Spirit fall
And make me new,
More like You.
You have my heart,
Jesus Christ, I give You my life.

You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus.

You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus.'

This song, is called 'You have my heart' and it's by Christian City Church Youth.

Today, this whole day I was listening to Sing About You and somehow when Valerie Cheong asked me about this song, something in my spirit clicked. So next thing I knew, I was listening to the song and God's presence came down so strongly, I just couldn't help but cry.Why cry? Cause His peace and joy was so overwhelming and it just touched my heart, touched my Spirit. The Lord's love is awesome.

'You're all I need,
You're all I seek,
You're all I dream,
Jesus'

This few words, phrases just shouts out in my life right now.In life, many feel that certain things like status, money, relationships, careers, are all needs. Hence, they so passionately and vehemently seek it out, spending countless hours dreaming about how to achieve such things.

Why? Why is it that so many people think and give their lives, slaving over every minute of their lives working just to achieve these things of the temporal? It is something that's so painful to see, something that totally wrecks my heart.

I've seen friends and family members that seem so 'enlightened', it's as if they know just what is it that they want in their lives. Yet, when you ask them, what are their dreams, what are the things that they seek for, they can't give a proper answer. They tell me things like money, status (power), career, relationships (BGR), without exactly thinking that these things actually don't matter to them. So when I ask, 'so what happens if you got all these things?' They are dumbfounded, not knowing and not withstanding, unable to come up with answers. They have lost sight, not knowing that it's because, these are things that they do not really need.

I do understand that people require money per se to 'survive' in this world. Yet, the truth is that there are people who place such things in such high statuses in their lives that they lose sight of what is really a need, what is really important. They worry about all these things day and night, and seek it, slaving over their work to achieve all these things.

"25There I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
26Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
27Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28So why do you worry about clothing? Considering the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;
29and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the over, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For all your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
34Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about tis own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

~ Matthew 6: 25 - 34 ~

I think this verse really speaks out to in accordance to the song. Let it be that we seek first God's Kingdom and all these things that we 'need', 'seek' and 'dream' shall be added unto us. This is something that I firmly believe in, that really, why do we seek and dream of all the things of the world, when what the Father sees is important to us will be provided.

In this scripture, it says that even the 'Gentiles' seek all these things in the world and even so, the Father provides it to them. Birds do not need to worry about food yet they are fed. Plants are clothed without doing anything for the Lord provides.

What than of humans?

We are God's people, where we are made in His image. He gave His one and only Son to die for us, such that we may yet again come into His presence and live for Him without having the need to bear the burden of all our sins.

That is why I live with this song. Where truly all my needs, all that I seek and all my dreams are in Jesus.

In the song, there's a part that goes like this...

'On this altar I'll stand,
With my hands lifted high.
I want to draw close to You,
Your joy in my life.

And I join with all the angels,
Singing songs of praise.
I feel Your love surround me,
You wash my fears away.

How I will love to,
How I love to sing about You.
Your love shines down.

How I will love to,
How I love to sing about You.
Your peace falls down.'

This is my heart, and that's where I place it... in the Lord.

When we surrender our lives on the altar and just let go, and let God. His love will surround us and all our fears will be washed away. What we have once went around as a 'need', or 'seek' and 'dream' about will be dealt with as we are filled with the Lord's love and peace that shines down
and falls on our lives.

That's why, I can sing...

'You have my heart...'

~ an anguish in the Spirit ~

"But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's delicacies..."
~ Daniel 1:8 ~

This verse just spoke to me today when Pastor Joakim and Pastor How shared about how we shouldn't defile ourselves, and should just live a life that is consecrated to the Lord. It really was a revelation to me cause I could here God saying that though many of us proclaim to be Christians, we let the world and everything that is in it tempt us. Leading us to be defiled or commit sins.

What are things that can tempt us? Basically, most of the things that can tempt us are things that are 'good' or 'attractive' to us. Honestly, the world is as such, where there are just so many beautiful things and great things out there, yet often, when we get to absorbed in them, we no longer put God first in our lives.

Things such as relationships aren't bad, in fact, relationships i.e. BGR are fantastic to have. God created love and we ARE meant to share it with others, loving another is one way that God expresses and extends His love. However, why is it that relationships can be seen as something that we don't want in our lives is cause many of us are not mature, not of the ripe age or spiritually strong enough to be in a relationship, loving others and yet, having God as our number one spot in our lives. We are unable to balance our lives, and in the end, most Christians that do have relationships, end up compromising their spiritual lives and place Him as number two in comparison to their relationship.

"We are in the world, but not of the world"

This is a quote that I love, one that speaks directly to my soul when it tries to rise up against my spirit.

"Others can, I cannot"

That is the quote that I use to reply when the soul says, "it's alright! Why don't you just try to take a sip of this; take a taste or sample of that; after all, you're not really committing a sin!"

It's never hard to compromise, but to be able to start against it, is something entirely different. At times, we've to bash ourselves up just so that we can stand firm.

In fact, I recall how it was so easy to see so many of friends get into a relationship, and it made me feel that I should go into one as well. It wasn't hard. I already had someone that had feelings for me and I did have good feelings for her. We hit it off and certainly it felt like maybe I should have the relationship. Yet, it never felt good in the spirit, times when I compromised my time with God just to talk to her on the phone or go out with her. At times, reasoning with myself to go out with her when I could have used the time to be in church and have fellowship with God and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I knew that it just wasn't right and I certainly wasn't ready to have a relationship when I was compromising God's position in my life. "Others can, I cannot".

It took a while, but I finally managed to pray, to ask God to help me break out of this chain, to say, "God, You are the One that I want in my life, and I want You to fill that need." It was then, when I managed to say it and with Yong Hui, praying along with me, I felt an unspeakable peace, a love that surpassed anything that I have ever felt in my entire life just fill me.

I knew then, God was real and that I would never let anything defile that love that He has for me. This is why, I now hold this verse close to my heart.

This verse reminded me of an incident just this month. I was in my room, in my condominium, and I heard lots of voices in the middle of the night at 3am. I had just finished Quiet Time and was looking at the garden when I heard the voices. Locating the source of the noice, I saw then a group of 3 girls and a guy, they were intoxicated. 2 of them were so drunk that they vommited in the car before stumbling out of the taxi. They then 'danced' their way to the slides of the play ground, threw their shoes all over the place and just lay on the slides and the ground, in obscure positions. After that, they left their belongings and just swayed their way around to goodness knows where as the other girl and guy helped to collect their stuff and guide them home.

When I saw that, I was so angry. Till this day, I feel an anguish, cause I just feel that their lives and time could be used to do so much more. It could be used to change lives, to touch lives, to love others, to just really love God. My heart just broke and I felt so angry that so many people are in the world and just letting it influence them. It's so wrecking to the heart especially when I see Christians letting the world defile them. Like when I was in army and I saw so many of my Christian friends lose their fire for God, when I see them start swaying and changing due to the culture of the army; filled with vulgarities and indecency. It wrecked my heart when I saw good Christians of great hearts get cynical and losing their faith in the Lord. Why? Cause of others round them; when the "king's delicacies" tempt them and just slowly fill their hearts.

It angers me and I pray that God will move in such a way, that there will be a difference. Heart of God church, and all its members, especially Zone G will lead an alternate lifestyle. We will live in the world but we will NOT be of the world, but rather, we will let God, and with is, even when we're presented with "king's delicacies", we will not let it defile ourselves.

I believe...

~ Alternative Life ~

It's the New Year!

A new beginning!

A beginning of a life that is an alternative!

A life that would not be for myself, but for others!

'It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me'
~ Galatians 2:20 ~

This is a verse that will be how I want to live through it all. Not my will, but Yours be done. Its challenge to live an alternative life, yet I know that it's God's will for us. To truly rise up and live a life that would be a living testimony to others. To show them that though we're cool, successful, have everything in the world, but we will be wiling to give up everything just to live a life for God and His purpose.

What do we mean when we talk about living for His purpose? I do not mean starting a revolution that goes against everybody else and being someone that's religious fanatically. I mean living with relevance to the world, and excelling in the world, yet willing to serve in ministry in church, on fire and just willing to put down everything, all for more of God's will and presence!

It also means a simple word, 'Others'. It's a life for others, not for self. An others centered life that means risking ridicule and suffering to extend God's love to others. Not being ignorant of others or of things that are going around us, but rather to live to love, to be 'the salt and light of the world' and be a living testimony. Loving others, not self.

I don't believe that we can't live a life that is for others. 'The beginnings of leadership', the vision for us this year. It's a Word from God and it's one that applies not just to the entire church, but rather, to each and every individual one of our lives.

For myself, I've to really expand in my capacity and grow, grow a whole new level such that I'll be able to take on more responsibilities and not let things drag me down. It's a whole new year with new challenges, I welcome them cause I know that God presents them to me so that I can grow. I'm going to rise up, and be a leader in His right and purpose for me!

"Whether that means life or death, no matter!"
~ Philippians 1:21 ~

I think this particular scripture echoes my heart right now, and it's something that I will hold close to my heart. Truly in my heart right now, I am convicted. Convicted such that no matter what, I want to live for God's purpose and His will. Death means nothing to me, for I am already dead.

It sounds a bit morbid doesn't it? Well, it isn't cause in my life, I don't live for myself anymore, I live for Jesus! I am dead to myself, Jesus lives in me and that's what I hope to live for and want to do through my life. That is the Word for me, to live for Him and let Him work in me and through me for His purpose.

This is a powerful wallpaper that I believe in. When we say we want to live an alternative life, we're talking about an identity that is set apart. We are there to live a life that is to save and empower lives of others, where we live for OTHERS.

This is not as hard as it is, the only war that we truly fight is really within us, where we struggle with our souls. Our souls are the one thing that we face constantly and it's the thing that causes us to stumble when we run with such a vision. The thing that makes us question the vision and purpose that God has set for us, is our soul and our mind is part of that soul. I believe that the soul is where we can win the most, but only when we can trust the Lord with all our hearts and let Him work in us and help us win that battle against our souls.

An alternative life... Let go, let God!